Category Archives: Life

That does it

Standard

Yesterday was the worst of the worst days. I was fuming over my company’s slow paced resignation process. My emotions were swinging between anxiety and exhilaration about my upcoming life as full-time-stay-at-home-homemaker-mom. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that… I scratched somebody’s car while rearing out of the parking lot. I scratched someone’s car pretty bad. :'(. Ruining another employee’s fairly maintained unscratched car in the parking lot on the last week of work. A parting present for the employee and rest o’them at office to remember me by. This is the stuff nightmares are made of. Anyways the car belongs to a manager. She said she will talk to her husband about this since she has no idea about cars. Of course, I don’t know much about cars either. So my husband and her husband can negotiate any damages that need to be paid. Of course, I’m paying.

The lesson I learned from all this is. Do not think about your life when you are driving. Just drive.

AK

Looking Ahead

Standard

I looked back on my abandoned mobile app project. I reeled at the sight of the well written code. Can I do this again? I wondered. I can do this again. I have two options. 1)Rework the Expense Manager app I was working on previously or 2)Start on a new idea I have. Looking through the code, I feel like I should not waste all the effort I put on the Expense Manager. So I have come to the decision.  I will complete all the design changes in the app and republish it.

 

Resigning

Standard

Ok so I am resigning from my job. Actually I have resigned verbally but it will be official when my resignation notice is signed. Hopefully that will be done by Monday. I’ve been working for this company as a data analyst since February 2015. My decision to resign is correct, I am quite sure of it. I will be regretting this decision later, in a few weeks. I am quite sure of this at well.

Why did I decide to resign in the first place? I leave my kids at my moms place and I was not entirely satisfied with this arrangement. In Pakistan, well I don’t know about Pakistan. In Karachi, daycares is a rare luxury only the richest can afford. Even if I could afford it, there is not a single daycare in my area. So my one and only option was to leave the kids at my moms.

Why will I regret resigning? Very simple I have too much energy to be contained with the housekeeping routine and rearing children (though the later is quiet exhausting). I want to learn, explore and apply my skills.

So I am back to square one on this blog. I think my initial posts were about working from home . I guess that’s all I will be talking about from now on.

Of Time

Standard

Time is quiet unpredictable.

Sometimes it languishes away in hours. 

Othertimes it leaps and bounds through them.

When important tasks are at hand.

 It’s slips away like a slitherly eel. 

Then on days you wait, it waits with you. 

Like a loyal dog it’s at your heel. 

Like disiplined soldiers that march in sync. 

They cannot be the ones to blame. 

They do not speed they do not heed . 

Yet some mystery is at play.

Maybe time is not the clock.

Maybe time is what you felt. 

How much was done, how long it took.

And only you know what you felt. 

Only you know the time that passed.

I love you Mom

Standard

My son is three. He says he loves me every day. He says this by holding my cheeks in his little palms. He continues to say this for atleast 10 minutes it can get extended to as long as ever if I am in a middle of a conversation with some one. He wants me to maintain eye contact with him while he professes his love or he just says “mamma mamma mamma?”. He makes the most eloquent confessions.

“Mamma I like you very much. I like your cheeks”

“Mamma please don’t do any work. Grand ma can do the work.”

“Mamma you are so nice you make my food. You tell me stories.”

“I will never leave you. I will sit on your lap for ever”

“I like you more than my blue car”

And I have to quit whatever I am doing and give him his cuddles and praise him in return otherwise his love has no bounds.

The thing is I am a working mom. So sometimes I really don’t have the time at the point in time he wants the attention. Initially I would even snap at him to leave me alone. Later I realized it’s very important to him to express his love for me and require me to assure him I the same. I also realized heis learning how to converse. Since he is most comfortable at talking about how much he loves me he does it over and over again.

Writing down this post I have come up with another idea. Next time he bestows his attention on me, I will try to lead the conversation into new directions to encourage him to express himself on other things.

Driftwood

Standard

Been drifting around like driftwood on the ocean of this life

Once I struggled for direction but got nowhere that seemed right

I searched for the ship wreck, the place that I called home

But then I found it to be a shipwreck and no more

So now I drift like driftwood, the waves carry me where they want

They know all about the ocean, I follow in their accord

Hide tides, they will surely break me, but they don’t

and I continue alone, only I know what I went through

And on the days, when the currents caress and kiss

I wonder, if I am ever missed

 

I think if I float a few more days, I’ll come by a boat or raft

That they may be in need of wood, and then I’ll be on my way

Or maybe I’ll see a sandy shore and I’ll lodge myself there

Watch the algae grow upon me, and that’s where I will stay

If there is purpose to my life, it is to explore

If there is a reason I survive, it is because I hope

 

 

The horizon stretches out in welcome, possibilities abound

So there I go a’drifting on the ocean of my life

*

Aside

Finally I’ve started feeling that I can get back to serious app development work. Nabiha is all settled in the prep school routine and prefers to do most things on her own. Abdullah, turned 11 months on the 5th of march. Other than his teething crankiness, he is a very peaceful, self regulating, piece of work. So far I’m getting ample time to follow a course on Coursera a great website that offers courses that can be taken from home. I listen to weekly lectures, give quizzes and submit assignments, sometimes I browse through the forum too just to see how the rest of the “class” is doing. Getting back to studying learning something is really a lot of fun (Only a full time housewife could say it with the enthusiasm I’m feeling over this). 

The course is called Programming Mobile Applications for Android Handheld Systems offered by University of Maryland conducted by Dr. Adam Porter. The course started from 21st January with the last lecture on 18th March. This course is the first of the three courses that will lead to a Specialization. Since I signed up through the Signature Track. If I manage to complete three courses and the Capstone Project at the end of the courses, I will receive a Verified specialization certificate. All this will cost me $196 (of which $49 I’v already paid) and around 8 months (of which 7 weeks have already passed). 

I’m glad I took this course. It has cleared out so many of my concepts and also increased my confidence. I have started work on the new version of Expense Manger which I will probably release as a new app (since I unpublished the last Expense Manager quite a while ago). This time I’ve started work with the interface design. 

Will post a video of my piechart screen soon to show off the sleek animation I coded into it. 

And now I will get back to my assignment about sensors, location and maps 

🙂

 

What I didn’t do on NYE

Standard

Here Iam with an extremely belated post about what I did on New Years Eve rather what I wished I did and didn’t manage to do. I place reason for this ten day delay on my ambitious onenhalf year old and the fact that I live in joint family where I’m busy in some house chore ALL DAY LONG!

Anyway I still deserve to tell what happened on my new year. This is my third new year since I got married. I was pregnant on my first new year and I don’t even remember what it was like so it was definitely not memorable. On the next 31/12 I was at my mums place to spend the weekend their with a six month Nabiha. That night H and I both fell asleep without even wishing HNY to each other on the phone. That year I had decided that DH and I would really make the next NY very special.

And this is what happened. I got early on 31 dec 2011 like really early and tried my level best to get every one through breakfast and lunch early (which is 6 people including myself, since my inlaws live with us) so that DH and I could sit quietly in our veranda on the cold winter morning and look at some 2011 pictures and discuss the NY reslutions in the afternoon. Somehow the chores dragged on and on and when I came back to the room after wrapping up everything both H and Nabiha were far into a blissful afternoon nap.

But I wasn’t giving up this easily so I dolled up and changed into a new dress around 5. DH and I finally managed to exchange a few pleasantries over tea when he woke up. Soon he had to rush of for Maghrib prayer as dusk began to fall and do some grocery shopping. By the time he got back it was time for Isha and some other errands he had to run. So he rushed back out just as he came in. He returned around 8 only half hour before dinner.I unceremoniously shoved Nabiha’s dinner at him and requested him to feed her while I set out the dinner for the family. I was feeling pretty low and irritated by now. Whats the fun in marriage if you can’t even have a quiet moment with your husband to talk on the last day of the year. But H brightened me up when he proposed he to share a cup of coffee and KitKat Chuncky (which he slyly produced from his pocket) over a game of scrabble when Nabiha falls asleep.

H was as bent on making this day special as I! I felt so grateful and in love. But Nabiha had other plans. I haven’t seen her so active and demanding physical exercise as that night. She wanted wrestle, jump on her parents, climb and tumble of the pillows, pushed around in her play box, climb up and down the bed. An hour of constant play time and H and I were ready to call it a day. But Nabiha was all set to see the next year with her own eyes before going to sleep.

The funny thing is H and I can’t really talk when Nabiha’s in the room. she creates enough ding to drown out a bomb blast if  we share a conversation longer than 10 words. She either begin a mantra of “Ami” (mother) or “Abu”( (father) with a pitch that can make the ear drums ache. So all we could share were a few words and a lot of consoling glances. By 11:30 Nabiha was having a hysterical chatter with herself. Obviously, was very excited about the new year and was adamant to see the 2012 with her own eyes.

At 12 we listened to the crackers and gunfire and watched nabiha’s eyes widen with wonder. She came close to me and gripped my arm while the sounds of the celebrations lasted. And when it was over she smiled at me and said “ahaaa” (which means wow in our language). H and I cuddled Nabiha tightly and wished each other and our little charmer (still in silent awe over what she had heard) best for the next year. Exhausted with all the playtime we promptly laid down to go to sleep. H was the first to doze off, than Nabiha and finally me:)